A couple months ago I got really sick of being depressed, and I wanted to do something about it. So I did the thing I was always scared to do, I set up an appointment with a psychologist oops I mean a psychiatrist. I get those two guys confused, but the latter can prescribe medication. I had been in therapy for quite some time [I’ll post more about that experience in another post], but I didn’t get any fulfillment from it. The psychiatrist listened to a summary of all of my reoccurring issues, typed on her computer and told me that I have major depressive disorder along with anxiety. I cried when she told me that because I had always knew this, but to hear it from someone else was a mixture of reality and relief. She wrote me a prescription and she told me three things: first, this was not my fault nor am I a bad person, secondly it is a curable disease that can take up to 2 years to cure, lastly it is a trial and error with these medications, so if one doesn’t work I will have to try a different kind.
I was also told that these medications take up to two weeks before they actually start to work. I wasn’t prepared for the first week. I felt a lot of energy, as if i was on adderal, and I was more keen to have conversations with people. The only drawback would be the nacreous feeling it gave me and the small crash i felt after the high. I hated it even more when I realized that drinking, smoking weed and anti depressants DO NOT go hand in hand. I couldn’t hardly finish one drink and the down afterwards would be magnified by 100. After smoking I felt like a different person and I wanted to throw my pills away, or my heart would race so fast. I had to change my lifestyle completely and after a while I gave them up. During this time Hurricane Harvey hit Houston and I couldn’t get a hold of a doctor for weeks so I took the last few pills I had and jumped back on the drinking/smoking train to ease any drawbacks I might feel.
Seven months later. and I’m starting to feel the effects of the depression, drinking and smoking. Its severing my relationships with others and most importantly myself. I scheduled an appointment with another psychiatrist to start the happy pills again, and this time I’ll do it right