Monday Morning Blues

No matter how upset I get I have to remember not to hurt myself on purpose. I just want to intentionally screw up things for myself as punishment. I want to take the hurt I feel and use it to hurt myself. I should channel it into something more productive, but right now I just feel so down. Earth can really be hell for me most of the time. I’m getting stretched so much these days, it hurts. Things are so much better when I’m alone, but maybe being alone needs to change. Maybe being alone isn’t as comforting as I think it is. I want to isolate myself when I get hurt, so maybe I should speak up instead. Okay Have a Great Morning!

Digging Part 1

Having to change my selfish -ness feels so gross. It feels so uncomfortable, it hurts. I feel like if I stop fighting it, and let myself be then something bad will happen. i feel like i get influenced by everybody, and I am afraid that someone is going to ruin me. I won’t even see it coming. i will be bad and not even know it.